Happy 1st Birthday Rocky!

It's hard to believe that a year has passed! One year ago today, Rocky literally punched his way into the world. (Here is the link for that crazy story)  I was rushed back for an emergency c-section and my little guy was rushed to the NICU. I didn't even get to see him until several hours later and when I did see him I couldn't even hold him. It wasn't a surprise that that was how it was going to happen, but when it actually happened it was just very unnatural.

I just remember him being so tiny, but so strong! I knew that he would be okay. Of course this year didn't pass without it's challenges, but our little Rocky he is a big fighter. He has truly blessed our life with joy and has taught me so many lessons. I know that the Lord answers prayers and I know that my faith has grown because of our little miracle baby.

I look back on pictures from this past year to see how he has grown. His face used to be covered by masks and tubes and tape and now his smiley face hides behind nothing and I love it! I love watching him, playing with him, talking to him. I love that he is always smiling and laughing at something. I love how he watches his big brothers and wants to be where they are. He follows them and plays with them and tries to do what they do. He is growing up so fast and he is loving every minute of it. This boy truly loves life and I am loving that he is part of our life and part of our family.

Our little fighter...he went his first "12 rounds" and came out a champion. He is #1!!

Rocky's 12 Rounds:

• ROUND 1

 

• ROUND 2

• ROUND 3

•  ROUND 4

•  ROUND 5

•  ROUND 6

•  ROUND 7

•  ROUND 8

•  ROUND 9

•  ROUND 10

•  ROUND 11

•  ROUND 12

One Final Note

As I sit here on the night of new year's eve I cannot help, but to reflect on this past year! I guess it makes sense that after all I did to protect our little guy I would be sitting here just me and Rocky (who is asleep) while Dave took the boys to celebrate the new year with his family. There is quite the variety of illnesses going around over there so I didn't want to risk him getting sick.

This past year has definitely been, what I feel, the most difficult year I have had to face yet. I have had so many emotions and have dealt with so many things. Dave graduated from law school, took and passed the bar, we lived in 4 different states, Dave got a job and of course had a baby!! The moves were easy, not having a husband around very much while he studied for the bar was easy, waiting for Dave to get a job was easy. The difficult part was being told that we were going to lose our baby, being told that he only had a 1% chance of survival and that if he did survive he would have many problems. After knowing that the difficult part was seeing my boys need me and not being able to hold them or play with them as I had before. I remember one time while I was on bed rest at my in-laws Oliver just wanted to be picked up and not just picked up by anyone, he wanted to be picked up by me. All I could do was stand there helpless and watch as he cried on the floor. I had help, but to see the pain in his eyes, it took so much strength not to cry. They soon learned to rely on others and learned that mommy couldn't pick them up. They cuddled with me on the couch as I protected my belly and we figured out ways to make it work. Soon after that came the difficult morning that I left to the hospital, telling my boys that I was just going to get a check up and that I would be back later that morning. I felt bad that what I said ended up not being the truth because it was that morning that I unexpectedly checked in to the hospital. The next day when they came to visit I had the hardest time saying goodbye. Every time they left I tried the best I could to hide the pain of watching them leave. The days that Dave couldn't come by I put on my brave voice on the phone telling him it was okay. It was really difficult to know that I missed out on so much time not being their for them. Even though I was doing what was best for Rocky, it was so hard. And then if that wasn't enough, I had to endure an emergency c-section all by myself without Dave.

Thankfully, we survived! Rocky was truly a miracle child and did way better than anyone could have ever expected.  Currently he is off of all oxygen and machines and is growing healthy and strong. He is very happy and brings joy to all those around him.

It was definitely a year of learning. I learned to never give up, even on the gloomiest day. I learned that hope is something worth having. I learned that my faith in God has been strengthened from all the trials I have had to endure. I have learned of the power of prayer and to put my trust in the Lord. I have learned patience and am still learning patience (I believe this is a life-long lesson). I have learned to rely on others and to let others help. I have learned that it is in our most difficult and trying times that we grow closest together. Most of all, I have learned how strong of a person I can actually be. 

Our family has grown from this past year's experiences and I wouldn't have changed a thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't want this to happen again, but I wouldn't change it knowing how we have grown and all that we have learned. I know that Rocky is healthy and alive because the Lord has His hand in our lives. I know that I couldn't have survived this past  year without the help and support of family and friends. Thank you so much!

I am looking forward to this new year and the new adventures it brings. I hope that this year brings lots of happiness and wonderful memories. I also hope that we continue to grow closer as a family and continue to grow closer to God. It has been a year to remember and it is definitely one that I will never forget!

For those couple's and family's dealing with pPROM I hope that this blog has helped you find hope in your journey. I wish you the best of luck and can only hope that your outcome is a positive one that you too can share in the pPROM community. Just remember: BELIEVE IN MIRACLES...they do happen!

Rocky week 4

Saturday:
Today Rocky is 3 weeks old! It's hard to believe that by the end of this week he will be a month old. This morning we all went to Salt Lake for the color run. I of course did not run, but enjoyed watching everyone else. As soon as we got home I showered to get all of the color off so I would be allowed in the NICU. I was able to be here today for the 1p.m. and 4p.m. feedings. He did well at the 1pm, he took 38grams and since he ate for more than 10 minutes he didn't have to get any by tube! He's getting closer to going home with his feeding progress, I would say a couple of weeks.

Sunday:
Dave went to Arizona again this morning and on the way he dropped Christie and the boys off at the airport. I went to see Rocky this evening for his 7p.m. feeding. When I got there the nurse let me know that he was on request feedings and then said that next was on demand and then he would go home! She said if things continue well then he could be home by Wednesday or Thursday!! I was in a bit of shock as I was expecting a couple more weeks. I was really happy and nervous. I can't believe he has done so well. I guess once they started bottles he just took right off and drank all of his milk with no problems. Good job little buddy!!

Monday:
He is still on track to go home this week. They said tomorrow I will room in to learn his oxygen equipment and do all the discharge stuff.

And I'm posting this because I wrote it, even though I just finished an update...time sure does fly!

3 Months in 3 Days...Time Flies!!

I can't believe that Rocky will be 3 months old in 3 days! Time sure does fly and a lot sure has happened! He is growing amazingly and is doing awesome. So let's see what has happened since that car show...

Sunday the 24th I went to see Rocky at the hospital and they told me that he was doing great taking his bottle feedings, which he started that morning. Apparently he has taken all his feedings by bottle and the nurse told me that if he continues the way he is going then he could be home by Wednesday or Thursday. I was completely in shock and not expecting that at all! My mind was blown and I just kept thinking that I have so much to do before he comes home. The week flew by and I didn't get to the hospital as much as I normally would have because I was getting things in order. He did amazing taking all of his bottle feedings and started to do not so well on his breast feedings. We were scheduled for him to come home on Wednesday so on Tuesday evening I went to the hospital and Dave met me there later that night. There was all kinds of confusion with the oxygen and the apnea machine companies and we ended up getting the oxygen super late at night and then the other machine didn't even come until the next morning! It was a crazy mess and the nurses and everyone kept apologizing. We had to stay til Wednesday late afternoon since we couldn't "room-in" over night due to the equipment not being there on time. The social worker brought us a candy bouquet and some food vouchers. Unfortunately, I had just come up with food so the vouchers didn't get used. We finally go to bring him home and we were soooooo happy!

He went to his appointments as scheduled and the doctor was so impressed with how he was growing that he said things would be fine if we moved to Arizona (Dave got a job down there and was already there working) and that he could be seen next for his 4 month well check. His oxygen was lowered each week and by the time we moved to Arizona (he was 8 weeks, almost 2 months) he was only on oxygen at night time. It was hard to keep the oxygen on him just at night. He would pull it off, end up with it around his neck, somehow get his arm through it and have it over one shoulder and under his other arm. Dave flew up so that we could all drive down together. It wasn't a bad drive and the boys were super excited to get to their new home. Things were going well and we were still battling with trying the oxygen at night so most of the time he ended up just not having oxygen at night.

Around October 11th we went back to Utah so that Rocky could take a test to see if he was ready to come off of the oxygen. He had to wear a pulse oximeter over night and as I was watching the numbers it kept going below 92, well it ranged from 86-98. He needed to stay above 92 to come off. We turned in the machine and then headed back home. We are actually still waiting for the results, but I decided that because his numbers were so random I put the oxygen back on and will deal with how to transition off when we see our new doctor or get the results, well probably a combination of the two. I have to say it's really difficult to transition between states.

So life in general has been pretty crazy! It's taken a lot longer to unpack and get our house in order with all three boys. The boys love Rocky and are so great with him. Oliver always wants to give him his pacifier when he hears him crying and Lincoln is so great at caring for him and giving him his bottle. He even tells me when Rocky needs a bottle vs. a pacifier and vice versa. He is so silly. They love giving him hugs and kisses and I love hearing Oliver saying "gocky hugs". Rocky sleeps well through the night, well wakes about once, but he does well for the most part. He is starting to develop a schedule through the day that we are all getting used to. He likes his swing and he likes his tummy time mat with all the hanging toys. He bats at the toys and is starting to make more cooing noises. Its fun to see and hear. He kicks a lot too while he plays under there.

Some things that have happened that I forgot to insert above:
Rocky's apnea machine went off one night the week before I was going to Arizona and it scared me to death! It was in the middle of the night and it was his low heart rate alarm, but then a minute later it went off again and said that his leads were loose. I didn't think anything was wrong because he was sleeping peacefully until I had to wake him to fix his leads. He did fall asleep quickly after that, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep.

Another night when we were here in Arizona Dave and I were watching a show in the living room and then all of a sudden we heard a long loud beep coming from the room, which obviously Rocky's machine. We ran in there and looked at him (he was sleeping peacefully) and then looked at the machine to realize it was because his machine wasn't plugged in so after quickly plugging it in I broke down and started crying. I was so scared and thought his heart stopped or he stopped breathing. It was the worst feeling in the world. I calmed down and Dave consoled me and then Dave picked Rocky up and handed him to me so that I would know he was truly okay. I held that little boy so tight and then put him back to sleep.

The last thing happened in church when his machine beeped a couple of times and then stopped. I took him out and it was just his leads being loose. I quickly fixed them and then things were good. Other than those things I would have to say that things have been going well. We are excited to see what happens next and I am excited to have Arizona health insurance so that we can see a doctor close by. Well I guess that's it for now!

ROCKY Week 3

Saturday:
Today was a pretty busy day for us! In the morning we went up to South Jordan for a car show that my father-in-laws band was playing at. The boys had lots of fun! We had lunch, they got animal balloons and snow cones. They even saw a doc Hudson car from Cars and they loved it! After a couple of hours we were tired out from the heat! We went home and I got ready to go see Rocky.

I met a photographer at the hospital so we could have some pictures taken of our little guy. I feel like time is passing and I'm going to miss the whole NICU experience so I want to capture memories before they are gone! She was a very nice girl and did the photos for free. I'm excited to see them. I hung out with Rocky for a bit and we did another test weight with breastfeeding. He did AWESOME!! He ate 28 out of 45 oz of his feeding. He did such a great job. I was so proud of him. After some cuddles and pumping I went back home.

The doc called me earlier today and said that because Rocky's jaundice isn't going away they think it might be what is called breastmilk jaundice, which his liver can't digest some of the proteins. They want to check him again and then the course of action would be to give him formula for 24-hours to help his body be able to digest the proteins. I guess we will wait and see, but the doc did reassure us that his levels aren't dangerous right now. They are at an 11.4 and they are fine until they get to 18. Also, they tried him off the oxygen and he only lasted 15 minutes before needing to be put on again.

Sunday:
I went to see Rocky this morning. I was very hopeful that we would have another great breastfeeding experience, but it didn't go too well. He didn't get a good latch and he didn't get any milk. Oh well, it's okay! I enjoyed my time with him. He loves to be held, but really he probably only gets held by us right now so why wouldn't he love it. I feel like each visit someone tells me how great he is doing for my water breaking at 19 weeks. It's great to hear and I hope he just keeps improving.

The doc called me and let me know that he would check Rocky's bilirubin levels today so we could start formula if needed. Also, they are changing his oxygen a little to hopefully help him come off. After they checked his levels the doc called me and let me know it went up to a 13 so they will start formula. They will check again after 24-hours and see if it goes down. I really hope it does!

Monday:
So since he is on formula I decided to take the morning off. My sister is in town so we hung out with the boys outside and then at nap time I went to the hospital. I got there right in time for his feeding so I just got to cuddle with my sweet little boy. He pretty much stayed asleep the whole time. I talked with the nurse and she and she said they would check his bilirubin levels today at 4p.m. and then we will know if the formula worked. I called around 7p.m. so I would know if I needed to go back to the hospital or not. The nurse said that his levels went up to a 15! I was a bit disappointed and wanted to know the next step. The doc made orders to give formula until 7a.m. tomorrow so I just stayed home so I could sleep.

Tuesday:
I went to the hospital first thing in the morning and when I got there the nurse informed me that last night's nurse gave me the wrong info and his levels went down to a 9! Seriously, what is wrong with people. I was worrying and wondering all night long what was going to happen. I tried to feed the little guy but he didn't do too well. It's basically hit and miss because sometimes he's cueing and other times he's just not. I guess lately I've been at the feedings when he's just tired or not too interested. I will keep trying and hope that he gets it. The same thing happened when I went in the afternoon so it was a bit of a down day in the feedings department. Oh well, I can't give up and the worst that will happen is he just bottle feeds breastmilk. I did 12 months of pumping with Lincoln so if I have to do it again I will!

My mom came into town today. My sister, jaxon and Linc went to pick her up. When they got home Linc tells me, "look at my new lady"...He is a silly boy. I was pretty tired so after giving her the run down and visiting for a bit I went to pump one last time. I must have been extremely tired because I totally forgot to connect a collection bottle to the pump and didn't realize it until after about 5 minutes when my leg was completely soaked!! Good thing I have plenty of milk now.

Wednesday:
Today I was able to go to the hospital for much longer. I got there at 7a.m. and stayed til about noon. He didn't do too well with breastfeeding today and he basically slept through. I came back later that evening with my sister so she could take some pictures of him and then I fed him and he did a pretty good job! He took almost half of his milk so then they gave the rest through his tube. My sister held him while he ate and then after that we went home. I wanted her to take pics of his bath time, but they changed it to Monday's and Thursdays. I guess we will come back tomorrow.

Thursday:
I came back to the hospital today and was here for his 10a.m. and 1p.m. feedings. He did an AMAZING job today! I was sitting with the occupational therapist and when we did Rocky's test weight after he ate he took all of his milk on his own!! He is a rock star!! He was pretty tired for his next feeding so he ended up sleeping through and they fed him through the tube. I'm so proud of him because he is working so hard. I watch him as he sucks and swallows and then takes a break to breathe. I never even worried about things like that with my other two and now I realize how hard Rocky has to work to do things that term babies just automatically do.

Dave met us at the hospital tonight for bath time and pictures. Rocky ate well again tonight. He is still having to top off through his tube, but he is improving! My sister was able to take pictures of bath time. I can't wait to see them. Rocky loves his bath. He just lays there so relaxed and calm and then after he was so calm and ready for sleep. It was a pretty late night because we went for his 10p.m. feeding. We left right after bath and it was almost 1a.m. when we got home so I quickly pumped and went to sleep.

Friday:
I stayed for 3 feedings today, 10a.m., 1p.m., and 4p.m. He did alright for the first two and got a little each time. By the third he took a little and then he pulled his feeding tube out. He wouldn't let them put it back so he finished by bottle. He did pretty well. One of the feedings he only showed on the scale that he took two ml, but he was really fussy when he got through half his feeding so they stopped it and he calmed down. I'm pretty sure he got more than 2 grams of milk and the nurse was pretty sure too. He had a good day and is seriously getting much better at breastfeeding each day. I think they will start bottles pretty soon now that he is getting the hang of breastfeeding. They want him to be able to come home so the sooner he takes all of his feedings by mouth then the sooner we can bring him home! Of course he might have to come home on oxygen, but that's fine.

ROCKY WEEK 2

Saturday:
Dave dropped me off at the hospital at 7a.m. and then he took the boys to hike the Y. They had so much fun and Lincoln did the entire hike all by himself! Oliver got to ride in Dave's new hiking backpack and enjoyed it that way.

I got to spend some good quality time holding Rocky. He is doing well and not too many changes, which is nice. I just enjoyed kangaroo care with him. Later that day we went to the movies and then we had to pick up our car...so that meant that I had to drive one car! I haven't driven for about 4 months!! I was a bit nervous, but it was a good way to get back behind the wheel. I forgot to take my meds for half the day yesterday so I decided to just stop taking them, which worked out perfect. I drove to the hospital after the kids were asleep and met the lactation consultant. She wants to have Rocky start breastfeeding or at least becoming familiar with it. Babies this young don't actually have the rooting reflex so it's going to take time and practice and of course patience, but I guess after being in a hospital bed for over 10 weeks I've got the patience part down. They want me to come in for feeding times now so we can specifically practice each time. I think I'll try his 7a.m. and 10p.m. times and see how that goes.

Sunday:
This morning I got up, showered and was back at the hospital for 7:00am and he did better practicing breastfeeding, but we have a long way to go. He had his picc line taken out and they changed his bed to one that doesn't have a warmer, so I guess he graduated from one bed to the next! They said he will most likely remain in that one now til he goes home. He still is fighting the jaundice so he's still using his light pad.

I went back home and helped Dave get the boys ready for church. They left and I stayed to pump and find where all of my clothes are. I have to say I'm so used to dressing in t-shirts and comfy pants that I don't really want to wear real clothes again. I found my clothes and I met my family at church. Everyone was surprised to see me and all wanted to know how things were going. I think I purposely try to make conversations basic because I get a bit emotional talking about it all. I'm glad he's doing well and love to tell people, but I make it short so I can keep control of my tears.

Sunday night Dave got to go with me. It was a good thing because Rocky had his first real bath and I got to give it to him! They wrap him in a fleece blanket and put him in the water. He really liked it. Afterwards his hair stood up just like Oliver's. He is a perfect blend of both of his brothers.

I think tonight was the second or third time someone has mentioned my milk production being low. It was news to me because I thought I was doing great! It's pretty discouraging when the one thing I can do for my baby is the one thing I'm not doing good enough. I still don't understand because they aren't needing to supplement with anything yet. I guess I'm just going to have to work on it and try not to let it get to me or stress me out.

Monday:
I got a call from the nurse this morning just as I was getting ready to leave. She wanted to let me know that they moved Rocky to the feed and grow room of the NICU! This is a good thing because it means he is doing well enough that he gets to graduate to the less intensive room. His neighbor is definitely a little crier and he sounds like a little teradactyl. Poor little guy probably just wants to be held all the time, but I did hear them say that he might go home this week so Rocky will have a new neighbor soon.

Rocky did a good job this morning with the non-nutritive breastfeeding. He actually latched a couple of times. Baby steps! I'm getting used to my schedule and not feeling extremely tired. I wake up at 5:30a.m. to pump and then take a shower, head to the hospital for his 7:00a.m. feeding and cares. I get to change his diaper, take his temp, change some of his sensors and do mouth care. I love it! I'm with him for skin to skin and practice feeding and then I hold him for a little before I pump anotheR home. At home I spend all day with the boys while pumping every two hours! At night I head back to the hospital for 10:00pm feeding and cares. I pump before I leave and usually get home about midnight so I get right to bed and have another pump session around 2a.m. and then start it all over again! I have no free time whatsoever and I have to use every minute wisely. It's definitely worth it though because ingest to see all of my boys and give them the time that they need.

While I was there this morning another lactation consultant came to check-in with me. After hearing I was only getting about 12oz a day she recommended that I take some herbal supplements to help increase milk production. Seriously! This is so frustrating to me. I've never had a problem before and I just need some time. I checked with other preemie moms and they said that the amount I'm getting this soon is pretty good and to just keep pumping. Oh well...I know he has enough for the amounts they are giving him.

Tuesday:
Today was a bit easier to get up and make it to the hospital. Maybe my body is already adjusting to the new schedule although I feel like my muscles are pretty sore. I guess that's just part of the process after bed rest for 14 weeks.

I had lots of cuddle time with Rocky and a good pump session before I had to leave. Rocky us back in his first incubator because they changed him from the bili light pad to the overhead light. This bed has the warmer since he can't be swaddled. I asked what his levels were as of this morning and they dropped from 11 to 1! I asked her if it was a mistake because that was a really big decrease. She was wondering the same. His neck muscles are a lot better! They are actually pretty strong, he us already trying to lift his head when we hold him. Not every time, but sometimes. The doc called me later to give the daily plan and update and he said things are going really well with Rocky, but they will check levels to make sure it's right. If it is he will get to come off the photo therapy light and then will be checked again in two days to make sure levels stay down.

I got to take a nap today, which was nice! I also tried what you call a power pump session, which is pumping for 10 minutes and then stopping for 10 minutes. It's supposed to be for 70 minutes total, but I only did it for 40. It's supposed to help increase milk supply. I had a good first experience because I got double what I normally get! Ill continue to do those once a day. I know I can increase without having to take herbs. I might however try the lactation cookies! Positive thinking about increasing my supply.

Dave offered to take Rocky his milk tonight so I could get some rest, but I told him another night we could do that. We put the boys to bed and then went to the hospital. When we got there Rocky was sleeping peacefully and sucking on his pacifier. We changed him and did cares. He was off the bili light and they said his levels were a 9 not a 1. Still good enough to stop light therapy.

I held him and he practiced breastfeeding. We were really surprised when he latched on right away and started to suck! He did it a few times. When the nurse checked his feeding line she pulled up lots of milk and she said he got milk from me! Good job buddy!!!

I talked with Dave and we decided that I would take the morning off and sleep a little. I am absolutely exhausted! My body needs rest. I pumped before leaving so that when we got home around midnight I could just go to sleep. I checked with the nurse and she said that the milk I just brought tonight will get him through til tomorrow night. That made me feel great because I've been getting such a hard time about not pumping enough.

Wednesday:
I got up at 4a.m. and then at 7:15 a.m. to pump. I haven't had this much sleep in a while and it was really nice. I called in the morning to check on Rocky and they said he was doing well. I kept a lot today of how much I'm pumping and I was pleasantly surprised! My milk has really gone up in the past day or two. For the full days pumping I got about 22 oz!! I knew I could do it.

So tonight Dave and his mom went to the hospital and spent time with Rocky. Since they didn't have to plan a visit around feeding time they were able to go after dinner. I stayed home and put the boys to bed. I pumped and then went to sleep at 9:30 p.m. so I got lots of rest before having to wake at midnight and 4 a.m. Dave said Rocky is doing great and now that I got extra rest I am too! I'm not going to feel guilty about not seeing him today because I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of all my boys. I also know that he is in good hands.

Thursday:
Today I had a doc appointment in Provo in the afternoon so I planned on just going to see Rocky at after that. The doc called and said that he was doing well, no major updates or changes. They checked his jaundice levels and it went from a 9 to an 11. He doesn't want him to start light therapy yet because he wants to test him again in 48 hours and see where he's at. He let me know that levels aren't dangerous until they get to 18-20 so he is okay.

I went to my appointment and everything looked good and the doc wasn't concerned about the incision or an infection. I went to the hospital next and because I wasn't there around his feeding time the nurse was a bit hesitant to let me hold him. They don't like them to get off their schedule because they want them to grow and sleep. She let me hold him for 30 minutes and I kept him as still as possible. I love holding the little guy.

Friday:
I went to the hospital in the morning and the nurse asked if I wanted to do a test weight before he practiced breastfeeding. He didn't get any milk, but he did suck a little. Oh well, I'm sure with time he will get it. I enjoyed my morning with him and let them know that I wasn't going to be back tonight because we were going to do something with our other boys. I asked if they had enough milk to last til tomorrow because I noticed there weren't too many containers in his fridge. They said they have plenty and there is more in the freezer. Woohoo! My milk production is definitely up to a full supply, if not more. That makes me feel great. He had another amazing week!

ROCKY'S 1st WEEK

I'm already a week behind! I don't have much free time at all now that my sweet baby boy is here with us. I will do my best giving a recap as to what happened this past week and hopefully I will do better at keeping up on his updates. Actually I've come up with a plan...hands free pumping! I've never tried it before now, but I love it! Now I have about 25 minutes every 2-3 hours that I can blog.

SUNDAY:
Okay so let's see...Sunday morning the nurse came in and I asked her to check my catheter because my bladder felt full. Pretty sure that's not supposed to happen. Apparently it wasn't draining so she took it out (thank goodness)! This meant I had to get up now and well the first time I tried, which was a few hours later nothing happened, but no need to worry because according to the nurse I still had a couple of hours before there was a need to worry! Thankfully my bladder started to function properly the next time I got up. Speaking of getting up...WOW!! That first time after a c-section is crazy! I almost didn't want to lay back down knowing I would have to get up again.

Dave wheeled me up to see Rocky and he was just so cute and tiny. It was good to see him since the day before I only saw him for 10 minutes. At that point he was on the ventilator, which keeps the lungs open and basically breathes for him. They didn't want him damaging his lungs. They estimated that he would be on the ventilator for 3-5 days and that he would be in the NICU for 4-6 weeks. He also has jaundice and is now under a bilirubin light. Also, because he was squished in my belly his neck is really tight on one side and they are doing physical therapy to help lengthen it out.

His lungs are pretty underdeveloped, but still good for not having much fluid for so long. There are areas of the lungs that aren't developed and overall they are small and need to grow.

I've been pumping since yesterday and I got a little bit of colostrum. Today seems slow and I hardly got anything from my pumping today. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

MONDAY:
Dave walked up with me to the NICU and that was officially the longest walk I've taken for about 3-4 months! He had to leave to work so I told him I was okay to walk back down on my own. After visiting with Rocky for a while I made my way downstairs. I went up twice more on my own. I have never felt so out of shape! My whole body was sore and I was really worn out. Pumping went way better today! I'm starting to get more and feeling pretty good.

Rocky has had some air in the outside pocket of his lungs and they had to suck it out with a needle, but the docs say it looks like it has healed today! He has low blood pressure so they are giving him meds to keep it up. The meds make it difficult for him to breathe on his own so it's a good thing he is on the ventilator. He does take some breathes on his own but he does tire easily so there are times when the machine does all his breathing for him. He has been trying to pull his tubes out so they put a blanket under his chin to block him from finding his face. His jaundice levels are about the same. Overall,  not too bad given our circumstances.

TUESDAY:
Rocky was taken off of his blood pressure meds late tonight. He's been doing a good job maintaining his blood pressure up! I'm hoping he stays off of it, but we will see what happens. His oxygen is at 21%, which is what we breathe regularly! He will be weaned off the vent and put on another machine soon. When I saw him today he was a bit fussy because they had just worked on his neck and he doesn't like that. His neck is getting better so at least it's working. I held his arm over his little chest to help him calm down. It was a very sweet experience. He continues to fight and he's doing great!

Today was a whole lot easier to get out of bed. It's getting easier to walk to the NICU but I'm still really slow. In preparation to go home I got my staples taken out. I have to say the anticipation was definitely worse than the actual event! I guess because I've seen how staples are removed from paper it just freaked me out a bit, but it wasn't painful at all! Dave came in the evening to pick me up. I had most of the things packed and ready to go and he just had to get a few things. I waited about 30 min for my nurse to finally get to my room so she could discharge me. I was a bit annoyed by that. Dave had time to load everything on a wheelchair, take it to the car and get back to my room. I finally told him to just go see Rocky and I would meet him up there. When I got up there we stayed for a little bit and then we headed home. When I got home Dave went to get the boys as I got out of the car and they came running out! Oh and let's not forget that was my first time in a car in over 10 weeks, yes it was weird! Okay, so when I got in the house the boys and Dave made me a welcome home mama sign and it was so cute. Lincoln was very proud and I was too! He traced inside all of the letters and they worked really hard on it. Oliver wanted me to pick him up and was a little sad when I couldn't, but Dave did and then he was fine. We hung out a while and then put them to sleep. After that Dave and I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some things that I needed. Lots of walking and oh I forgot to mention that with all the fluids I have been ridiculously swollen! That night was pretty difficult to transition to a regular bed that doesn't move up and down as I need, but I did alright.

WEDNESDAY:
Today I was scheduled for an induction, but as with most things with this pregnancy he decided to come out on Saturday. We went to the hospital to take him some breastmilk and to my surprise he has continued to keep his blood pressure up and they are now feeding him through a tube! Unfortunately he already used all the milk I had pumped so it's a good thing we brought more! They told us that he might come off the ventilator soon! He is doing amazing! I'm so proud of him, he is working so hard and it shows. Oh and now that he is off the ventilator and the tubes are out of his throat I was able to hear his little voice for the first time! He has a cute little voice.

Rocky got to meet his brothers today! Lincoln has been asking to see him so we took the boys today. We had to go to a WIC appt to get a pump and to a doc appt for me. Dave kept the boys entertained while I got things done. At the doctors he looked at my incision and it looked red and felt warm. He gave me a shot and boy did that sting! I thought the steroids were bad, but they are nothing compared to what I got! He asked me to come back tomorrow to look at it and he gave me a prescription for oral antibiotics.

Okay so back to the boys. We got to the hospital and we went to the break room. I stayed with the boys while Dave took them in one at a time. I can't pick them up so he had to take them. Apparently he got changed to cpap today and it looks like a fighter pilot face mask with the tube coming up. He also has his eyes covered because of the jaundice lights. When Lincoln saw him he asked, "where's his face?" He was done pretty quickly and then wanted to go back to me. Oliver wanted to stay longer so he took his whole 5 minutes. It was a good little visit.

THURSDAY:
I woke up feeling pretty good today. By 8:45 a.m. I had already had my morning pump session, made the boys breakfast, hung out with them for a little and overall just felt very productive. It's a good start! I also feel like my milk is coming in nicely. I'm still swollen, but I think it may be going down.

After my doc appt, which I had to get another shot, we went to the hospital to see Rocky. We were very surprised by all of his changes! They took him off of cpap because they said he was very unhappy with it so they decided to put him on the cannula and he is doing great! So now he is breathing completely on his own and there are no more machines to help him keep his lungs open. Way to go little buddy. He is continuing to do well with his tube feedings although he has lost some weight. He is low 4lbs, but I bet he will be back up soon. He is still fighting the jaundice, but they changed his light to a light pad so now he looks like a glow worm. He now gets to be swaddled and he seems to like it! They were able to take his IV out of his umbilical cord, so now he just has a picc line in his thigh. He does have a pretty good cry the nurses say, but that tells me that his lungs are getting better! I'm so happy with how well he is doing.

FRIDAY:
Today was my first outing. I couldn't go see the baby in the morning so Dave took him his milk. After work Dave and I met Jon & Jhana and Tim and Tam at Texas roadhouse. We were going to go see Rocky before a show, but we ended up not having time so we went home so I could pump and then went to the musical that Sabrina and my father-in-law were in. During the show we got a call from the hospital and Dave called them back. Everything was okay, they just wanted to know when we were going to be there, but let me just say waiting to hear why the NICU is calling is the worst feeling. We headed out right after the show, but our headlights were both out so we got a ride home so we could get our other car.

We finally made it to the hospital and when we got there we were very surprised when the nurse asked us if we wanted to hold Rocky! Oh my goodness I've been waiting for that and I was so ready! I sat down and as she was getting him ready I started balling because I was so happy...I was finally going to be able to hold my son! When she handed him to me it was the best feeling in the world. He was crying and then she asked if I wanted to do skin to skin and as soon as I laid him on my chest he calmed right down, as if he knew mommy is holding me and I've been waiting for this.

While I was in the hospital I kept seeing a huggies commercial with a pregnant lady talking to her baby and at the end it says something about how the mom is the first one to give her baby a hug and to let the second be comfy (talking about the diaper). Well every time I saw it I thought...LIES! I'm not going to be able to give him his first hug or hold, I don't even know when that will be! So when I finally got to hold him it was wonderful. He is so small and I was very intimidated by all of his wires and lines he has, but it was great. Dave held him for a while and then we had to put him back because of him needing to be under the light. Best way to end his first week.