One Final Note

As I sit here on the night of new year's eve I cannot help, but to reflect on this past year! I guess it makes sense that after all I did to protect our little guy I would be sitting here just me and Rocky (who is asleep) while Dave took the boys to celebrate the new year with his family. There is quite the variety of illnesses going around over there so I didn't want to risk him getting sick.

This past year has definitely been, what I feel, the most difficult year I have had to face yet. I have had so many emotions and have dealt with so many things. Dave graduated from law school, took and passed the bar, we lived in 4 different states, Dave got a job and of course had a baby!! The moves were easy, not having a husband around very much while he studied for the bar was easy, waiting for Dave to get a job was easy. The difficult part was being told that we were going to lose our baby, being told that he only had a 1% chance of survival and that if he did survive he would have many problems. After knowing that the difficult part was seeing my boys need me and not being able to hold them or play with them as I had before. I remember one time while I was on bed rest at my in-laws Oliver just wanted to be picked up and not just picked up by anyone, he wanted to be picked up by me. All I could do was stand there helpless and watch as he cried on the floor. I had help, but to see the pain in his eyes, it took so much strength not to cry. They soon learned to rely on others and learned that mommy couldn't pick them up. They cuddled with me on the couch as I protected my belly and we figured out ways to make it work. Soon after that came the difficult morning that I left to the hospital, telling my boys that I was just going to get a check up and that I would be back later that morning. I felt bad that what I said ended up not being the truth because it was that morning that I unexpectedly checked in to the hospital. The next day when they came to visit I had the hardest time saying goodbye. Every time they left I tried the best I could to hide the pain of watching them leave. The days that Dave couldn't come by I put on my brave voice on the phone telling him it was okay. It was really difficult to know that I missed out on so much time not being their for them. Even though I was doing what was best for Rocky, it was so hard. And then if that wasn't enough, I had to endure an emergency c-section all by myself without Dave.

Thankfully, we survived! Rocky was truly a miracle child and did way better than anyone could have ever expected.  Currently he is off of all oxygen and machines and is growing healthy and strong. He is very happy and brings joy to all those around him.

It was definitely a year of learning. I learned to never give up, even on the gloomiest day. I learned that hope is something worth having. I learned that my faith in God has been strengthened from all the trials I have had to endure. I have learned of the power of prayer and to put my trust in the Lord. I have learned patience and am still learning patience (I believe this is a life-long lesson). I have learned to rely on others and to let others help. I have learned that it is in our most difficult and trying times that we grow closest together. Most of all, I have learned how strong of a person I can actually be. 

Our family has grown from this past year's experiences and I wouldn't have changed a thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't want this to happen again, but I wouldn't change it knowing how we have grown and all that we have learned. I know that Rocky is healthy and alive because the Lord has His hand in our lives. I know that I couldn't have survived this past  year without the help and support of family and friends. Thank you so much!

I am looking forward to this new year and the new adventures it brings. I hope that this year brings lots of happiness and wonderful memories. I also hope that we continue to grow closer as a family and continue to grow closer to God. It has been a year to remember and it is definitely one that I will never forget!

For those couple's and family's dealing with pPROM I hope that this blog has helped you find hope in your journey. I wish you the best of luck and can only hope that your outcome is a positive one that you too can share in the pPROM community. Just remember: BELIEVE IN MIRACLES...they do happen!